


Homophobia

by secretwhispers



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-04-25
Packaged: 2017-12-09 11:54:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretwhispers/pseuds/secretwhispers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry bullies Louis because he’s gay. After one drunken night everything gets more complicated. How will Louis cope?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Louis’ POV:**

I tried to get dressed quickly. I hated having to shower after pe, especially as everyone knew now. I’d finally had the courage to come out and had pretty much regretted it instantly. I wasn’t ashamed of myself, I was just ashamed of the idiots at my school. They didn’t get it. I was different and that was unacceptable. Harry Styles was the worst though. He made it his duty to torture me. Of course our timetables were virtually identical so avoiding him was impossible. Even now. A hand slammed on to my locker, shutting it before I had a chance to receive the rest of my clothes. I was just standing here in my boxers with a clearly angry person behind me.

“Turn around Tomlinson, unless you’re hard from watching us all in the shower of course.” Harry snarled. I sucked in a breath and turned around. With his soft curls and green eyes I might have been attracted to Harry Styles. Luckily his personality stopped those thoughts, his green eyes marred by his obvious disgust for me. I never got to see his famous dimple up close either. He never smiled at me.

“What do you want?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“I don’t think gays like you should be allowed to shower. You must love just staring at us all.” Harry hissed.

“You’re not big enough for me.” I snapped. A muffled chuckle was heard and Harry’s head snapped round, sending a death glare to whoever had dared to laugh.

“Don’t get fucking smart with me, Tomlinson.” He growled, stepping further into my personal space so that I was forced up against the cold metal.

“Just go away Harry.” I begged. I knew I shouldn’t show weakness but I was just fed up of this. Fed up of defending myself to such a brute.

“Really? You want me to go away.” His eyes blazed as he stepped closer, leaning into my ear. “I’d have thought you’d enjoy having me this close to you Tomlinson.” He whispered. That sounded less like a threat than normal though. I frowned as he stepped back. It sounded more like an offer. I didn’t have much time to think before the first punch went straight to my stomach. I doubled up as I struggled to breath, gasping for air as Harry repeated the strike. I collapsed to the ground and heard as the laughter fell through the room. Laughter at me, I felt Harry’s foot connect with chest and then he backed off, leaving me crumpled on the floor. No-one stopped to help me up. No-one would dare. I tried to curl up into a ball and disappear. To take away the pain of his punches but also the pain of all his words.

…

Harry never gave up on teasing me, even outside the locker room. If he thought I was staring at someone too long he’d shout across the room that “the gay was watching.” Teachers gave disapproving looks but never said anything. I felt judged even by them. I was the outcast in every sense. Lunchtimes were by far the worst. My mum always gave me money to buy food, a treat I used to enjoy. Now however, that meant walking through the canteen and everyone watching me. Harry more often than not would knock my tray from my hands, snarling something along the lines of “gay’s don’t deserve to eat.” It was utterly ridiculous but I couldn’t defend myself. I’d tried in the beginning, when Harry had first started tormenting me, but he never listened. In some ways standing up for myself and saying that this was normal made his hate worse.

Maths had just finished and I was quickly shoving my books in my bag. I wanted to get out of this school for the weekend. My mum had started to get worried that I never went out but I didn’t mind. No-one wanted me to be with them after Harry’s hate campaign had begun and to be honest, I didn’t mind playing with my younger sisters all weekend. It was an amazing distraction to bury myself in their lives, rather than focus on my own. I wanted to escape the school more so, to avoid Harry. We were currently in the same room but sometimes if I bolted fast enough I could avoid his final insults of the week.

I virtually sprinted down the school corridor and people slipped out of my way. Everyone knew what I was doing by now. I burst through the entrance doors and ran across the car park before having to stop. I wasn’t the fastest runner but most of the time Harry didn’t chase me. Unless he was in a particularly bad mood. I didn’t live far from school luckily so the fact I’d just virtually exhausted myself didn’t matter. I walked for a while and breathed a sigh of relief. I’d escaped Harry’s clutches this time and I could enjoy my weekend. When I’d come out to my mum she’d been so supportive. There wasn’t really a better response to have. I wish people at my school had reacted in a similar fashion.

I felt a pair of hands grab me from behind, slamming me up against the brick wall near my house.

“Harry?” I frowned. He lived near me but I didn’t expect him to follow me the exact route to my house.

“Why did you run away from me Tomlinson?” He hissed, stepped into my personal space again.

“Because you’re a bully.” I snapped, struggling in his grip. Harry pressed his leg against mine, restricting my movement. If it weren’t for the aggressiveness of it all, this could have been so much more sexual.

“You deserve it.” Harry growled.

“Why? Because I’m honest about how I feel? Why do you always get up in my personal space Harry? Maybe you’re gay.” I shouted. I lashed out and I shut my eyes awaiting the hits. I’d just called him gay, the thing he hated about me. When nothing happened I opened my eyes to see Harry’s shocked ones. The look in them almost pleading. His lips mashed onto mine suddenly, his body still firmly holding me in place. His tongue slipped into my mouth and explored roughly, his hips rolling against mine, our moans being swallowed by the other. Then he pulled back. Gasping for air he looked around desperately, checking no-one had seen.

“I’m not gay.” He snapped.

“Clearly.” I responded. His eyes hardened at my sarcasm. I was still panting. Even though I hated him, I couldn’t deny he was a good kisser.

“Jeremy’s having a party tonight. Be there Tomlinson or fucking else.” Harry ordered.

“Fine.” I backed off. The look in his eyes was murderous. I definitely wasn’t going to tempt fate.

“Oh. And don’t you dare tell anyone about that.” He hissed before walking away. I let my body collapse then, sliding to the ground. Why did Harry want me to go to that party? More importantly, why did he kiss me? Was he gay too?

….

“You’re going to a party?” My mum frowned. I sighed. This was the tenth time she’d asked. She was clearly as confused as me, but I was hardly going to tell her Harry had threatened me. I didn’t want to worry her. She had enough to worry about with all the girls.

“I got invited. I don’t want to be rude and not go.” I shrugged but my mum’s frown didn’t let up.

“You never go to parties.” She stated.

“I know. But I am now. Stop worrying.” I laughed and my mum smiled slightly. I adjusted my jeans. I’d decided to wear red skinny jeans and a stripey jumper. I loved this outfit because it made me feel safe. I needed any comfort I could get tonight. I was walking into the unknown.

By the time I’d helped mum put the girls down it was nearly 10pm. I still walked to the party though, not wanting to risk Harry’s “or else”. I got several strange looks as I walked in but no-one started on me thank god. Must people seemed too drunk already to bother with it all. I pushed through all the dancing bodies and finally found the kitchen. I poured myself a straight vodka and tipped it back. I should probably stay on my toes tonight but I wanted to make the most of a party. I poured myself another one and sipped this slowly, just watching people and looking out for those infamous curls.

“Louis.” A voice slurred. I turned and found exactly who I’d been dreading. Wait, did he just use my first name? “You came.”

“You threatened me.” My voice was icy in response. Harry frowned. He was clearly off his face drunk.

“I want to show you something.” He whined, his hand gripping mine as he pulled me towards the stairs. People gave a few funny looks but I guess they assumed I was being dragged somewhere to be hurt. Harry’s grip was vice-like on my mine so maybe I was. I wriggled my fingers, trying to get him to loosen his grip however Harry just pulled harder in response. He stopped outside a shut door and pushed it open, dragging me inside and locking it behind us both.

“What are you doing?” I was starting to panic. I didn’t want to be shut in here with him. He was so unpredictable.

“You kissed me earlier. ” He snarled, matching each step I took back with one forwards.

“You were holding me against a wall. I’m pretty sure you kissed me.” I snapped. The back of my legs hit the bed and I frowned. He’d trapped me again.

“You gays just rub off on everyone don’t you.” Harry hissed, a small smirk playing at his lips due to the clear double meaning in his words.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I whispered. I could feel tears building up. I couldn’t cry in front of him. He’d never let me live it down. He stepped closer again, his hands pressing onto my shoulders so I tumbled onto the bed. He was still standing over me.

“Bet you’d love to fuck me.” He whispered, his voice full of venom and something I couldn’t place.

“No thanks. I’m not into dickheads.” I snapped. I tried to stand up but Harry was quick to restrain me. His body tumbling onto mine and pressing me into the mattress.

“Don’t struggle Tomlinson. I know you want this.” He growled, his hips thrusting against mine roughly. I felt my back arch slightly at the contact. I wouldn’t enjoy this.

“You’re disgusting.” I hissed, struggling in his grip.

“No. You are. Fucking gay.” Harry snapped, before pressing his lips on mine. His tongue entering my mouth as he claimed dominance. His hips circling against mine in a steady motion now, working both of us up.

“Bet you want me to fuck you.” He panted as he bit hard on my collarbone, his tongue flicking out across the wound. His eyes were dark when they met mine.

“No.” I whispered. Harry just smirked. His fingers worked quickly on my trousers and he wriggled them down over my hips, my boxers quick to follow. He stripped himself down and then was back over me. I hadn’t the energy to try and run. I knew I wouldn’t get far, especially as my length had a mind of it’s own. I was just as hard as Harry and I felt disgusted with myself at that. Maybe if I focused on his prettiness and ignored his personality this wouldn’t feel so dirty.

“I picked this room cause I put lube in here earlier you know.” Harry whispered, his teeth tugging on my earlobe gently. I released a shakey breath. Why would he bring prep? How did he know to prep?

“You’re going to be gentle?” I asked, the shock clear in my tone.

“I’m going to be rough but I don’t want to break you.” Harry shrugged and sat up, his legs still straddling me. He clumsily reached into the bedside drawer, pulling out the tube and squeezing some of the cool liquid over his length. He pumped himself a few times, making sure he was fully covered.

“You’re not going to open me up?” I asked, panicked. This would hurt if he didn’t go slow. I felt tears well up again in fear and Harry’s empty eyes met mine.

“I need a good fuck Louis. I’m sure you’ve been fucked enough you don’t need the stretching anyway.” He hissed. He moved back slightly as he parted my bum cheeks, giving him a clear view of my hole. His tip brushed across it slightly and I felt my whole body quiver in response. Harry smirked and pressed in slowly. His eyes fluttering shut as he filled me. I however felt the tears fall, the burn of the stretch unlike anything I’d felt before.

“I can see why you fucking love this. You’re so tight.” Harry moaned. He didn’t give me a second to adjust before he was pulling out and slamming back in again. His hips smacking into mine as he set a gruelling pace. His panting from above me loud as he focused on keeping up a steady but rough rhythm.

“Fucking hell. Louis.” Harry growled. His body leant further over mine and his angle slipped The pain which was still ripping through me softened then as he brushed that bundle of nerves. I felt a whimper escape me involuntarily and Harry’s eyes met mine. He flicked his hips again, finding that soft spot. His eyes gleamed as he continued to pound into me, however now he was clearly focusing on hitting that spot everytime. He was sending me into a quivering mess and I hated him for it. I hated him. I couldn’t enjoy this. I felt that feeling building and wanted to cry. He couldn’t give me pleasure. We hated each other.

“I’m so close.” Harry whispered, his breath hot in my ear now as his body was collapsing on mine. “Are you going to come Louis?” He asked.

“No.” I was adamant.

“Yes you are.” He whispered, his eyes meeting mine. They seemed softer, almost needy. His hand wrapped around my swollen length and I knew I wouldn’t last long. With a couple flicks of his wrist I was seeing stars, my hips bucking uncontrollably to meet his thrusts as he pounded into me still, my release spilling between both of our sweaty bodies.

“So much tighter.” Harry groaned and his eyes shut as his thrusts spasmed. I felt warmth fill me as he spilled all he had, my name escaping his lips as he came. Eventually he stilled but didn’t move off me. Both of us were trying to gather our breath back, but both of us were definitely trying to work out what the hell just happened.

 Harry suddenly moved off me, pulling out and causing both of us to groan at the loss of feeling. His eyes were closed off again now, but the edges screamed panic.

“You can’t tell anyone about this. I’m not gay.” Harry snapped suddenly, his expression turning to one of anger.

“Then why did you do that?” I asked, anger spreading through me too.

“You forced me to.” He hissed. “You tell anyone and I’ll kill you Tomlinson.” He pulled his clothes on and sprinted from the room, not bothering to wait for a response. I slipped into the ensuite in search of a flannel. I needed to clean myself up before I could think about getting dressed. At least I knew why Harry hated me so much. He was scared, because he clearly understood more than he cared to admit. Harry Styles was gay too.  


	2. Chapter 2

I rolled out of bed and groaned as a shooting pain went up my spine. I felt ripped open. I’d felt exposed to him but now it felt almost permanent. I shuddered as I thought back to yesterday. He’d forced himself on me. I picked up a towel and headed to the bathroom. I’d had sex with the guy who hated me, who tormented me. He was clearly struggling. Maybe I should help him? He didn’t deserve it that much was true, but maybe if I could make him realise it was okay he’d leave me alone. He clearly enjoyed it last night. I shut my eyes as I let the warm water pour over me in the shower. Harry had been so loud above me, moaning filthly and pressing himself into me. I felt myself get shamefully hard as I remembered the feeling, the smell of him, how he sounded when he came. I groaned as I gave up fighting myself and wrapped a hand around my length. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d get off thinking about Harry Styles in the shower, but those green eyes and perfect curls were all I could think about, His lips on mine while he thrusted was what tipped me over that edge, my release sliding down the drain with the hot water.

….

Monday came around way too fast. I still hadn’t worked out how exactly I was meant to act around Harry. Maybe he’d leave me alone from now on? I doubted that though. That would look weird. I opened my locker and pulled out my maths textbook. What a horrible way to start off a Monday morning, maths. I hated the subject but worse, Harry would be there too.

“Have fun at the party Tomlinson?” A familiar voice hissed. I spun round and met those green eyes, a warning in them.

“Was alright.” I shrugged and tried to step round him, but Harry’s hand was quick to grab my shoulder, slamming me back against the metal. A crowd was slowly gathering, wanting to watch exactly how Harry Styles would torture me today.

“Just alright? First party you’ve probably ever been to isn’t it Tomlinson.” Harry stepped closer into my personal space, his eyes alight with anger.

“Maybe you enjoyed it more than me.” I whispered. I knew no-one else but him would have heard and his eyes darkened. His fist connected with my face then, my head bouncing off the hard locker and my vision spotting slightly. I felt my knees give out as everything blurred. An irish accent was shouting something. I couldn’t understand. I lifted my hand to rub at my temple and felt something sticky and wet. It was red. Blood. I blacked out then.

…

I woke up in the nurse’s office. I groaned as I shifted. Now it wasn’t just my bum that hurt but my head was aching too.

“Are you okay?” An irish accent asked. The one from before. I opened my eyes to be met with a pair of blue ones and a head of blonde dishevelled hair.

“Hurts.” I mumbled. A frown crossed his face and he nodded quickly, turning back to the nurse.

“It’s recorded he’s not got any allergies. You’re being ridiculous. Just give him some paracetemol.” He snapped.

“Fine but it’s on your head if he dies.” The nurse snapped back. I felt a hand on my shoulder and those blue eyes were there again, helping me up. He passed me two pills and a cup of water. I took them gratefully. These would definitely numb the pain, but nothing would get rid of the fear so easily. If Harry snapped like that, who knew what he would do next. That was by far the worst hit to date. I’d never passed out before.

“Maybe you should come down to my office, Louis.” The man smiled and I nodded quickly. I didn’t want to stay here under the steely gaze of the school nurse. The hallway was empty thank goodness as I shuffled down the corridor. He stopped outside the door that had ‘Counsellor’ written outside and I frowned. This couldn’t be good. I didn’t exactly need some guy analysing me and I didn’t want to talk about everything that was going on right now. There were some things I just had to deal with by myself.

“Take a seat.” He gestured to the comfy looking armchair on one side of his desk. He walked round and sat down on the other side, resting his elbows on the wooden desk.

“Are you new?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah. First day today actually.” He broke out into a proud smile at that. He had to only be about 23. “I’m Mr Horan. You can call me Niall though when we’re in here.”

“Thanks.” I mumbled. I didn’t really want to stay here and chat to him. No good could come out of that.

“Does Harry pick on you a lot? From what I’ve heard he’s trouble.” Niall smiled softly at me.

“No.” I lied and shifted in my seat. Niall just shrugged in reponse.

“Everything you say in here is confidential you know. Unless you’re planning on killing yourself, I won’t pass it on.” His eyes were warm and part of me wanted to admit it all, but where do I even begin. I could hardly tell him about Friday. I still didn’t know myself whether that was something I enjoyed or whether Harry really forced me. I mean, I climaxed. Part of me enjoyed it, wanted it even. If it was completely unwanted then I’d hardly have got off on it in the shower next day.

“Something on your mind?” Niall’s voice snapped me out from my thoughts. He had a clearly curious look on his face.

“I can handle Harry.” I told him and Niall raised an eyebrow.

“It looked like that this morning.” He countered and I scoffed. Hardly teacher-like to argue with me.

“You’re not meant to put me down are you?” I snapped.

“I’m meant to help you.” Niall sighed. “Why do you think Harry picks on you?” He pressed.

“Everyone started acting weird when I came out.” I admitted and stared hard at my fingers, picking at the dry skin around my nail.

“You’re gay?” Niall asked, curiosity clear in his voice.

“Yeah.” I mumbled, still refusing to meet his gaze.

“So am I.” My eyes flicked up at that and saw the honesty in his.

“Really?” I whispered.

“Yeah. I remember how hard admitting it was, but when you get out of school, people are accepting. Even got myself a boyfriend.” His smile was wide at that.

“Harry hates me for it.” I told him and Niall smiled sympathetically.

“He could just be a brute, but the guy who used to pick on me at school came out recently I believe. Sometimes they’re just hiding their own problems. Liam helped me forgive him.” He smiled.

“Liam?” I asked.

“My boyfriend.” Niall told me.

“Thanks.” I sighed and Niall nodded.

“Come talk to me whenever. Sometimes it’s nice just to talk to someone who understands and I definitely understand.” He laughed then and I couldn’t help join in. I didn’t know what was funny but already his laugh seemed infectious. This counsellor was definitely better than the grumpy woman we had before.

“Can I just go home?” I asked. I’d caught the time on the wall. Apparently I’d been sleeping in the sick room for a little whie. It was lunch already and I couldn’t face seeing Harry.

“Sure. I’ll sign you off.” Niall grinned and rummaged through a pile of paper on his desk. He soon found what he was looking for and squiggled his signature at the bottom of the sheet. He slid it across the table and I grabbed it.

“Thanks.” I mumbled again as I headed towards the door.

“Anytime Louis. I mean it.” I nodded quickly and escaped into the relatively empty school corridor. I walked towards my locker, a small red stain was on the metal from where I’d hit my head. I can’t believe I thought Harry would leave me alone. It would look weird if he suddenly just stopped and weird was something Harry would never want to be associated with. I grabbed my books and shoved them in my bag. I’d just look through the chapters at home later. It couldn’t be that hard to catch up. No-one would give me notes if I asked anyway. Harry had caused me to be outcast by the whole year, so asking for help was pointless. I quickly escaped the school grounds and breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully I could get the day off tomorrow. I had a big enough bruise on my head to complain about. I’d just tell mum I’d tripped. I was clumsy enough that she’d believe me anyway.

“Louis.” I heard my name called from up the street and froze. The voice sounded familiar. “Louis.” The voice was panting now, just behind me. I spun round and met those green eyes again.

“Harry.” I frowned and tried to step back, however I stumbled. Harry’s hand shot out and grabbed my arm, steadying me.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Why do you care?” I  snapped.

“It looked like you were dead. Don’t want to go to prison.” Harry snapped back, his eyes gone from caring to cold in seconds. I tried to turn around but his arms were quick to restrain me, pressing me into the wall. This was where we’d kissed before.

“What did that guidance counsellor want?” He hissed.

“To see if you picked on me a lot. I said no. He thinks you might be gay too.” I snapped and Harry’s eyes widened.

“Did you tell him?” He growled.

“No. I haven’t told anyone about you forcing yourself on me.” I struggled in his grip at that but Harry just pressed harder, his body lining up against mine.

“Forced myself?” Harry asked, his eyes gleaming as he pressed his thigh into my crotch, rubbing in small circles. I could already feel myself hardening. “It feels like you’d want it again Louis.” He whispered, his breath washing over my neck.

“Leave me alone Harry.” I begged. I could take him being horrible to me, but this was confusing. This was so much worse.

“I’ll be over later. Just after my tea. Gonna help you catch up. Teachers orders.” He stepped away as he spoke and my eyes widened.

“No.” I snapped.

“You’ll be behind otherwise.” He smirked.

“I don’t want you in my house.” I hissed.

“Well when I turn up with books and notes, I doubt your mum will turn me away. You won’t tell her what I did either.” Harry laughed as he turned.

“See you later Louis.” He called as he walked away. Harry Styles could not be in my house, in my room. But how could I stop him? Harry clearly always got what he wanted and right now, what he wanted was me.


	3. Chapter 3

I paced up and down in my room. It was nearly 7pm which meant Harry would undoubtly be here any second. He didn’t live so far away that it would take him long to walk. I hadn’t mentioned anything to mum in the hope that maybe he was bluffing. That maybe he’d leave me alone and wouldn’t turn up. Mum had quizzed me endlessly about what had happened at school. She didn’t entirely buy my, I walked into a locker story. I just had to hope Mr Horan, Niall, didn’t call home and say anything. I didn’t get the impression he would. Me being so scared about Harry coming over and therefore acting jittery during dinner hadn’t helped put mum at ease either. Even Lottie had asked me if I was okay because I was acting weird. The quick nod and short answers I gave definitely didn’t do me any favours. Harry just put me on edge though. I didn’t know what this was, what exactly was happening. I thought how he’d been bullying me was all it would be, but then we had sex. That wasn’t normal bully behaviour. He was so unpredictable now he was terrifying. I didn’t want to be up here alone with him. I mean he couldn’t do much with my mum downstairs. If he tried anything too much I could scream. If she’d been nearby on friday night though, I’m not sure I would have screamed. Would I have?

I heard the doorbell ring and my stomach flipped. I opened my door a crack and listened to my mum open the door. Harry explained that he was hear to catch up on what I’d missed and my mum sounded confused. I’d be in trouble later for not warning her probably. I heard the stair creak and knew he was on his way up. Oh my god. He was going to be in my room. I felt my pulse speed up and tried to focus on breathing properly.

“Louis?” Harry pushed the door open and I jumped back, stumbling slightly until my shoulder jarred with the wall.

“Harry.” I whispered as he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him.

“You alright?” He asked, pointing to my shoulder. I just shrugged. I didn’t want him here and I definitely didn’t know how to act around him.

“I brought the notes I made.” He held out some paper and I quickly took it, turning and walking over to my bed. Harry followed and sprawled across it like me, the paper creating a block between us.

“Thanks.” I mumbled as I started looking through them. This wouldn’t take long to copy up. I sometimes wonder how we could do so little work in a lesson but spend so long in the room.

“You’re scared.” Harry stated, his eyes watching me quizically.

“Well since last time we were alone together you forced yourself on me, I have a right to be.” I snapped.

“You’re telling me you didn’t enjoy it even a little bit?” He raised an eyebrow at me and I frowned.

“Not at all.” I hissed. I dropped my gaze from him and tried to focus on the work. Hopefully if I got through this quickly he could leave me in peace.

“Really?” He whispered and I felt his breath fan across my face. He’d moved closer to me. Maybe if I didn’t look up he’d just sit back and leave me alone? I had no such luck unfortunately. His fingers hooked under my chin and pulled my face up to meet his. His eyes bored into mine. Why did he have to have such gorgeous green eyes but be such a monster? Harry’s lips turned up slightly into a smirk.

“See something you like?” He whispered. I shook my head slightly but he just laughed. Leaning forward ever slowly until our lips brushed. This was the most gentle he’d been. His lips were warm and soft against mine. This felt like an actual kiss rather than Harry just forcing entry to my mouth. His hand slipped from my chin and instead moved to tangle in my hair. I was kissing back and for once I didn’t mind. This Harry was gentle and warm, rather than scary and rough. I felt like I knew the limits with this kiss. His weight pressed onto me and I let myself fall back, his body covering mine. My mouth opened slowly and his tongue slipped inside, slowly linking with mine. Our legs slotted together and I felt myself hardening slightly against his thigh. I couldn’t enjoy this too much. He was still Harry. Who knew how long this softness could last? He pulled back for air and rested his forehead against mine.

“You really don’t like this at all?” Harry whispered, his breath ghosting across my lips.

“No.” I whispered.

“Why can’t you admit it Tomlinson?” Harry growled quietly.

“You hate me. I don’t understand this. Are you gay?” I asked. Harry frowned.

“I’m not a gay faggot, no.” He snapped. I felt his body tense on mine and immediately tried to wriggle out. I was starting to get scared now. Harry angry was unpredictable. I’d had years to learn that fact so staying here could only do more harm than good.

“Stay still Tomlinson.” He hissed.

“Why can’t you leave me alone?” I glared, but obeyed him, stopping my motions.

“I think you should do me a little favour since you’ve given me a problem.” His eyes sparkled in amusement as he thrusted against my thigh.

“I’m still sore from last time thanks.” I snapped, my body tensing now in fear. The pain was all I could remember about last time. That burning pain.

“I have a different idea. You were far too loud with your whorish moans last time.” He teased as he got off the bed, grabbing my arm to pull my body with him. I was pressed down onto my knees as he fumbled with his belt.

“Maybe if you have something in your mouth you’ll be a bit quieter, eh Tomlinson?” Harry smirked as he pushed his trousers and boxers down, freeing his rapidly hardening length.

“Why do you keep doing this?” I hissed as his hand reached forward, tugging me closer to him.

“Why do you keep making it so much fun? Don’t bite or I’ll lose my shit Tomlinson.” He ordered as he pressed his tip against my lips. I opened my mouth slowly. I knew he wasn’t going to be gentle but I’d almost rather this than him beating the crap out of me. Maybe he’d leave me alone finally after this? I doubt it, but I could hope. His tip slid into my mouth slowly, he was almost being careful. I guess he was testing out whether I would bite or not. Gradually more of his dick was pressed into the wet heat until his tip nudged the back of my throat. I gagged around him but Harry didn’t release me. Instead he groaned and tightened his grip in my hair, yanking me forward, clearly attempting to press more of him in. I felt tears pool in my eyes as I ran out of air. I couldn’t breathe and Harry didn’t show any sign of releasing me. I saw black spots before he finally pushed me off. The gasping sounds I was making caused panic to rise in Harry’s eyes that we would be heard. His hand slapped over my mouth, restricting my air intake but I could at least still breath like this. His hand was working on his length quickly, while my breathing slowly returned to normal.

“Ready for another round?” Harry teased, grabbing my hair and pressing his length to the back of my throat again. I choked much faster this time and felt myself lose control. I couldn’t do this over and over. Warm tears fell down my cheeks as I struggled to breath. Harry was quicker to release me this time but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t do that. I started to sob and didn’t even have the energy to be embarrassed. Today had been so tiring and now this. I just couldn’t.

“Louis. You need to be quiet Louis.” Harry whispered. Kneeling down in front of me, his eyes were full of panic. He only cared about himself.

“Fuck off.” I hissed. I’d meant it to sound strong but my voice came out wrecked. Clearly being choked and crying was doing nothing for my vocal chords.

“I said be quiet.” Harry growled, his hand taking grip on my throat. “Stop crying Louis or I’ll fucking lose it.” The tightening around my neck was frightening. This was restriction on my breathing in a much worse fashion than before. I could feel myself gasping for air now but nothing could get down. I couldn’t breath at all. His grip only tightened as my eyes widened. I could feel the blood rushing to my head, desperate to give some oxygen to my brain. His grip loosened and Harry watched me.

“Finish me off and you can breathe.” He smirked and my air supply was cut off once again. My actions were automatic then. I needed to breathe and hesistation was fatal. I wrapped my hand around his dick, his tip now leaking precum. He was close at least, that was good.  I was fast. I needed him to finish before I passed out. I was pretty sure Harry would let it get to that level. Luckily with a few flicks of my wrist, he was coming all over my wrist. His hand loosened as he rode out his orgasm and I took the opportunity to suck in air, watching as Harry curved forward slightly in pleasure, his eyes fluttering shut. His hand fell from my neck completely then and I pressed my hand to it, wincing as the lightest of touches hurt. That was going to be a difficult bruise to explain. Maybe I could steal some of Lottie’s make up?

“Thanks Tomlinson.” Harry stood up and pulled his boxers and trousers back on.

“Didn’t exactly have a choice.” I retorted. My throat protesting at the effort to talk and causing me to wince in pain.

“Hope I haven’t done any permanent damage.” He leant forward and poked at the quickly appearing bruise. He tangled a hand in my hair when I attempted to flinch away.

“Leave me alone.” I whispered. I could just about whisper still. Hopefully this would be better after I’d slept it off.

“Don’t be like that Princess. You wouldn’t be hard if you didn’t like it.” He hissed, his eyes menancing.

“Hate you.” I whispered and Harry smirked. His hand was quick to press against my jean covered crotch. “No.” I whined and tried to shuffle away. Harry held me firmly in place though as he rubbed firm, quick circles on me. I was quickly seeing stars and I shivered as I came in my pants. Harry wrist motion slowing as I rode it out.

“Came pretty quick for someone who didn’t get off on that at all.” Harry whispered, his breath brushing across my neck and causing me to shudder.

“Please go.” I could feel myself starting to cry again and I didn’t want an audience.

“Bye Louis.” Harry grabbed his notes and headed for the door. He didn’t even turn to look as he left. I let the first sob escape me and my throat screamed in protest. I wasn’t just crying for the pain. I was crying for the little part of me that knew, in some sick way, I enjoyed being dominated. I enjoyed that. Even if Harry didn’t know what he felt, he knew that about me. He knew I liked it. That was fucking terrifying.


	4. Chapter 4

I rolled out of bed and walked over to my mirror. I had massive bags under my eyes which was unsurprising. I’d been up half the night trying to work out whether I actually liked Harry. I mean the rough stuff turned me on a bit but I wanted softness too. Harry was just rough and nothing else. I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t like that. What was he doing to me? My throat still hurts as well.

“Hello.” I spoke into the empty room but my voice came out as a croak. Clearly it had been strained beyond repair last night. I really didn’t want to face today.

I walked downstairs and nearly tripped over Phoebe on the way. She looked up from her Postman Pat book to throw me a disparaging look. She was only 5 but was already a teenager in spirit. I weaved around her and walked into the kitchen. Maybe a cup of tea would fix my throat?

“How are you feeling?” My mum’s voice took me by surprise, I hadn’t noticed she was in here.

“Pretty rough actually.” I croaked and her eyes widened.

“Your voice. That seemed fine yesterday.” She frowned as she watched me, clearly searching for some kind of clue. One that I was not going to provide.

“I feel pretty sick. Can I stay home?” I whined.

“How comes he gets the day off and I don’t? I feel like I’m going to be sick and he just has a sore throat!” Fizz burst into the room, fury in her eyes.

“He doesn’t. Go have a shower boo bear. I’ll make you a warm cup of lemsip and you’ll be good as new.” She clapped her hands and flicked the kettle on. I turned to glare at Fizz and she matched my stare. I hated being in a house full of girls sometimes. Shower and school it was. I was not looking forward to today.

…

Harry had slipped into English late so hadn’t been able to wind me up, thank god. I was dreading when this lesson ended and I’d have to face him. He’d smirked at me as he’d walked in, completely ignoring the teacher’s sounds of disapproval. I was staring at the play we were reading from like it was going to run away from me.

“Mr Tomlinson. What did I just say?” All eyes spun round to me and I was forced to look up. I found his green eyes immediately, the enjoyment in them clear. Sick bastard.

“Sorry?” I whispered and the teacher frowned.

“I asked you what I just said but it’s quite clear you’ve not been paying attention. Read the next part aloud please.” He snapped, his eyes turning back to his book which meant I couldn’t signal him and point out of my lack of voice.

“Problem Louis?” Harry asked, his eyes still sparkling.

The teacher looked up again and I strained my voice to speak.

“I’ve lost my voice sir.” I croaked and he sighed. Harry snickered in amusement and the teacher shot him a quick glare before pointing to frizzy haired Claire, signalling for her to continue reading instead.

…

Drama was by far the worst lesson of the day though. It was just before lunch and Harry had been watching me since we’d walked in. He’d not had proper opportunity to tease me yet since I’d spent break hidden in the toilets. I’d become that person and I hated it. I’d have to tell him to stop but in school was not the place. But then I didn’t want to be alone with him again either. I wasn’t sure exactly what we were but I couldn’t carry on with this.

“We’re going to practise scenes from this play in pairs. I’ve written down who you’re working with here.” The teacher placed the piece of paper on the table and students shoved as they raced towards it. I loved drama but this year Harry had been in my class and suddenly these lessons were a lot more stressful. I’d managed to avoid working with him so far but when I saw him walking towards me grinning, I knew that was about to change.

“Guess we’re a pair. I’ll do all the talking since you’ve got a bit of sore throat eh?” He smirked and I just nodded slightly. Harry’s laugh burst out and several people turned to look. One girl gave me a fleeting sympathetic look but that was as far as it went. No-one challenged Harry Styles, unfortunately for me.

“Let’s go find a quiet spot to practice in.” He gripped my arm tightly, stopping me from running. I wish I had decided to run already. I was dragged along with him and out of the room. We soon found a spot just below some stairs and I started to feel nervous. Even if I shouted from here, even if I could shout, I doubt anyone would hear, which meant Harry had pretty much free reign. I didn’t like when he had these opportunities, my throat was a testament to just how far he could go.

“So, we’ve just got a few lines from Oliver Twist to read. I’m not sure there are any croaking scenes.” He snickered and I rolled my eyes.

“Getting a bit arrogant are we Tomlinson? Eye rolling now is it?” He sneered, his eyes studying mine. Harry stepped closer to me, pressing me against the wall. His lips moved against mine softly and his teeth nibbled on my bottom lip. Harry released a raspy moan as he pulled back, his eyes already darkening.

“I’m exhausted. Please don’t.” I croaked.

“Maybe I should say sorry.” Harry whispered. His hand reaching for the zip on my school trousers. I tried to wriggle away from him but his grip too tight. I wasn’t going anywhere and Harry knew it. I let my body give slightly and Harry smirked. He knew I’d given up.

“It’ll be fun Tomlinson. I’m doing you a favour.” He whispered as he freed my half-hard length. His eyes bored into mine while he wrapped a warm hand around me, pumping up and down me slowly, building me up to full hardness. He was making me need it by going so slowly. I wanted him to speed up and I knew he could see that. His thumb brushed over my tip and my hips bucked forward, my eyes rolling backwards slightly at the sudden jolt of pleasure.

“Do you like that Tomlinson? I want you to ask for what you want. Even if it means croaking it.” He whispered, his breathing heavy in my ear. He was hardening against my thigh but he wasn’t doing anything about it for now. All his attentions were focused on me and going excruciatingly slowly. To ask would be so degrading. He’d have won if I asked. We’d come this far though. Fucking hell.

“Faster.” I groaned and Harry’s chuckled against my neck. He obliged though, his hand still loose but it got faster at least. All I could focus on was how his rough hand felt against me, my brain was slowly losing the ability to try and analyise the situation as the pleasure gradually built up.

“Firmer.” I croaked and Harry titled his head, his eyes meeting mine as he gripped harder, his speed not slowing for a second. The noise I released was clearly meant to have been a loud moan in response, however my throats soreness swallowed it back meaning it sounded more like a whine. I felt a blush rising on my skin. I wanted to moan. I wanted to focus on the noises I was making, but every time I tried to I strained my throat and remembered yesterday. Harry pressed his lips against mine suddenly, pulling my train of thought just back to him and now. He was gentle and in contrast to his hand. His tongue slipped inside my mouth and slowly explored. This was making me fall apart against him.

“What were you thinking about?” Harry asked as he pulled back slightly, his eyes flicking down to watch as his thumb brushed my tip again, this time capturing some leaking pre-come and swiping it down my dry length.

“Yesterday.” I admitted and Harry’s eyes sparkled.

“Yeah. Did you like it Tomlinson?” He hissed. I stayed silent at that, the memories flicking through my brain. Harry leant forward towards my ear and his warm breath made me shudder.

“Did you like getting on your knees for me? Did you like being allowed to suck me off? Did you like it when I held you there? You couldn’t breath Louis. I kept you there until tears formed but I’ll always let you go. I bet you enjoyed swallowing my release too. Maybe next time I shouldn’t give you the treat. Would you prefer it if I came all over that pretty face of yours? Paint it fucking white.” He stopped then as I groaned and my hips bucked obscenely. I spilt everything I had into his hand, my hips thrusting into his fist as I let my orgasm wash over me. His words had been what finished me off the fastest in the end. The memories of last night. Had I enjoyed it? He stepped back and pulled a tissue out of his pocket, wiping away the mess I’d created.

“Guess we better get back to class.” He shrugged and went to pick up the script with his completely clean hand. The other must have been sticky.

“What just happened?” I whispered. When I whispered I sounded normal, almost.

“I found out that you want me to come on your face.” Harry teased and flashed me a grin before walking away. I felt like he knew exactly what I wanted but I wish I knew what it was he wanted. I couldn’t take anymore of Drama now. I needed an escape from it, an escape from him. I walked along the corridor, desperately trying to think of a reason to get me out of the lesson but one that wouldn’t annoy my mum either. I stopped in my tracks and turned around slowly, the name on the door I’d just passed jumping out at me. Mr Horan. Guidance Counsellor.

I knocked on the door and waited, rocking back onto my heels. I hope he was in there or I’d have to try and think of another reason. I’d probably just end up in drama, with Harry.The door was pulled open and a year 9 girl walked out of the room, her eyes avoiding mine as she left.

“Louis. Hiya. Come in come in. You alright?” Niall asked, his smile infectious as I sat down in the comfy chair again. His blue eyes met mine as he sat down opposite clearly waiting for me to respond.

“I’ve got a bit of a sore throat.” I whispered and Niall frowned.

“Time of year I guess.” Niall commented and I nodded. “So you can’t talk but you wanted to come whisper chat?” He laughed loudly and I widened my smile. I didn’t want to hear how my laughing would sound now.

“Harry still giving you bother?” He asked and I stiffened. I knew he saw it but I couldn’t help it. I was confused about Harry. Part of me wanted to tell Niall everything, let him analyise me and tell me if I liked it, but I knew I had to hide this. No-one would be understanding to this surely?

“I’m not sure what we are.” I whispered and Niall didn’t respond this time, clearly waiting for me to do a bit more explaining. “He seems to hate me a lot of the time, but then sometimes he’ll, we’ll.” I stopped then and sighed. Do I tell him we had sex? I basically decided, despite the shock of the first time, I’d gained pleasure from it, especially from later shower sessions remembering the details. He just gave me a handjob and had made me do nothing to him, although I suppose I should have received that last night after he choked me. His kisses sometimes were even soft, not controlling but almost caring. Then again there were lots of time the opposite could be said, like last night. I nearly thought I was going to black out from lack of air and Harry seemed to find that prospect amusing. He was so mucked up and it was hurting my head.

“Sometimes you’ll what Louis?” Niall asked softly. His eyes were warm as they met mine. He’d been giving me time to think but now he wanted some kind of explanation.

“We’ve kissed and other stuff.” I whispered.

“But then he bullies you in public?” Niall pressed. I was pleased he hadn’t asked what other stuff meant. I’d rather he made his own assumptions than heard the reality.

“I don’t know what he’s thinking.” I admitted.

“Maybe he doesn’t either. Maybe he’s scared.” Niall reached into his bottom drawer and pulled out a pack of biscuits. “I find a digestive always makes me feel a bit better.”

I leant forward and took one, biting into it carefully.

“Just let things run their course. Hopefully everything will get better. You just have to let Harry work this out. If it gets too bad though, come find me and I can do something.” He told me and I nodded. He could do something here, but he’d never get Harry out of my head now. I needed to find something or someone that would.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days went past and Harry seemed to go back to normal with the teasing. There was still a look that would occassionally be turned my way, but Harry didn’t seek the opportunity to force me to do anything. Maybe he’d realised how fucked up it all was but I almost wanted that contact again. As ashamed as I was of how it made me feel I couldn’t get off to any other thought. With my hand wrapped tight around my dick, I’d only tip over that spine tingling edge with the thought that Harry was there, roughly pumping up and down my length. I pressed the thoughts of rougher images to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to give into that urge completely. I wasn’t ready to accept any kinkier side to my sexuality yet, I’d barely coped with coming out. I mean if the situation with Harry can count as me coping.

I was getting changed from gym when it happened again. I’d been slow, trying to avoid Harry but apparently he wasn’t having any of it. I was pressed against the cold metal as he pressed against my back.

“Been missing me Tomlinson?” Harry hissed, his breath washing down my neck and making me shiver. I tried to open my mouth to respond but found I could barely move with the position we were in. This was going to be a one sided conversation unless Harry relaxed his grip on me a little bit. I could feel the grooves on the locker already forming indents on my face.

“Bet you’ve been wanking off to the thoughts of me holding you down. Fancy another round sometime soon? I definitely do.” Harry whispered. His lips pressed quickly to my neck, in an almost gentle gesture. It was soft until he bit down that is, his lips sucking around the mark, raising it further. He pulled back and I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding. My hand rose and poked the sore spot, wincing away at the pain.

“See you soon Tomlinson. Really soon.” He smirked as he walked away, leaving me to button up my shirt and hope that the mark magically went down really quickly.

…

The mark had been commented on by my math teacher who’d given me a disapproving look. She’d seen me this morning when I didn’t have the mark. Turning up late and with it hadn’t gone down well with her. I’d slipped into my seat in the hope that I’d just get through the rest of the day without Harry acting on his promise. I was desperately trying to suppress that little bit of me that was excited I’d get to do something with Harry again. I hated the hold he had over me.

The door swung open suddenly and Niall strolled into the room. Miss Wiles eyes lit up and she leant forward, pressing her arms together and clearly trying to draw Niall’s attention. Oh if she only knew he was gay. Wasted effort. Niall turned and signalled to something outside the room. A tall boy walked in eventually. He seemed very nervous, you could see that in his brown eyes. He had the most amazing hair too, it almost defied gravity. His bag hung off one shoulder as he scanned the room, his eyes meeting mine. He smiled lightly and a few people snickered. He’d learn to stay away from me soon enough.

“This is Zayn.” Niall spoke excitedly for the boy and our teacher nodded enthusiastically as well.

“Where do you want to sit Zayn?” Miss Wiles smiled but her eyes weren’t focused on the new student at all.

“Why don’t you sit next to Louis? He can show you round the rest of the day.” Niall grinned and a student at the back snorted. Zayn would have to ditch me pretty quickly or it would be social suicide. Niall pointed at me firmly and Zayn nodded, walking towards the empty seat next to me.

“Sorry to interrupt your lesson Liz.” Niall grinned at Miss Wiles who blushed and mumbled something to Niall, before he winked and then left the room.

“I’m Zayn.” He whispered when Miss Wiles finally got back to teaching.

“Louis.” I whispered back.

“Niall’s a cool guy.” He told me and I nodded. “You don’t talk much Louis.” He stated.

“You ought to stay away from me.” I informed and when I risked a glance at the brown eyed boy he was raising an eyebrow at me.

“You don’t seem like the threatening type.” He teased.

“Exactly. I’m the outcast. Stay away or you’ll only end being dragged down to.” I warned him.

“Maybe I don’t like to follow the social convention. I think I’ve just made my first friend.” Zayn grinned and leant away, focusing his attention back to the front. I’m sure he’d regret this soon enough but I couldn’t help but hope he wouldn’t.

…

I slipped into the canteen and tried to avoid Harry’s gaze. I’d tried to leave Zayn behind. He may want to challenge the system here but I didn’t want him regretting his decision. He would regret it eventually.

“Louis.” I heard a voice call out and turned, hoping that it wasn’t Harry. My eyes met brown ones and Zayn was panting when he reached me. “You ditched me.”

“Sorry. I thought it was better for you.” I shrugged and shifted on my feet, Zayn’s stare was unsettling.

“You don’t decide that. You’re very, I can’t think of the word, self-hating? No that doesn’t quite fit. Do you not want friends Louis?” He asked.

“People don’t like me and Harry makes it his ambition to make sure no-one does.” I told him.

“Let’s get lunch and maybe you can tell me why people supposedly don’t like you? You seem cool to me.” Zayn grinned and walked with me to get lunch. I could feel Harry’s stare burning into my back. For once I got my sandwich and escaped the packed canteen without Harry hurting me. Clearly he was just as shocked as I was that someone was spending time with me voluntarily.

“Right so now we’re safely on the field, care to tell me why people act like you have the plague?” Zayn asked before biting into his sandwich.

“It’s because they’re narrow-minded idiots.” I snapped and picked at the bread. I didn’t want to have to come out to yet another person. I almost wanted to pretend, just to escape the hell that was my life.

“I’m pretty open-minded. Trust me Louis.” Zayn patted my arm gently, cautiously. I sucked in a breath. Fuck it.

“I’m gay.” I blurted. I flicked my eyes up to his, wanting to judge his reaction. He was just watching me, one eyebrow raised.

“That’s it?” He asked.

“It was a big deal when I came out and apparently it’s enough for Harry Styles to have a vendetta. You don’t care?” I asked. He was the first person other than family not to.

“Fuck no. Louis. I’m bi. I told you I’m open-minded.” Zayn winked at me and I snorted. We both laughed then. I felt comfortable with him and it was nice to laugh with someone who understood, who didn’t judge me.

“Why does Harry Styles hate you for something you didn’t choose?” He asked. I froze at that. I was slowly working out what I thought the reason was but that was something I couldn’t tell Zayn.

“He’s a stupid idiot like most guys when you’re in school.” I joked and Zayn grinned.

“True. I’m bloody starving.” He groaned before picking up his sandwich again. I had a friend.

…

I was sprawled across my bed working on the History essay due in at the end of the week when the doorbell went. I didn’t shift, knowing mum would answer the door. I heard talking but didn’t pay attention until my bedroom door was pushed open. I turned my head and let my jaw drop at the sight of those green eyes and messy curls. His eyes sparkled as he shut the door behind him and stalked towards me.

“What are you doing here?” I stammered and Harry just chuckled.

“Missed you. We didn’t get as much time together today.” He shrugged and kicked his shoes off, sprawling next to me on the bed.

“You missed me?” I frowned and watched as he picked up the book I was looking at, his nose crinkling in disgust when he saw it was school work.

“Don’t get fucking sappy.” He snapped and I tensed. He had to be bipolar surely?

“What do you want?” I breathed. I wanted to sound strong but it came out shaky.

“So Zayn eh? He replacing me?” He asked, his body shifting to face me.

“He’s not going to torture me, no.” I hissed and Harry just laughed again. “You’re jealous?”

“You’re mine. I just came by to remind you.” He shrugged and rolled onto his back, his curls fanning around his face. How could one boy be so pretty?

“You don’t own me.” I snapped.

“How about a little present to remind you?” Harry suggested and I froze. His hand pressed onto my shoulder, pressing me back onto the sheets. He hovered over me as his fingers fumbled with pulling my joggers and boxers down. His lips brushed mine softly and his fingers moved to stroke my cheek gently. He was trying to calm me down. What was happening?

“I’m going to make you feel good Louis. Show you who you belong to.” Harry whispered. He shuffled down and wrapped a hand around my length, squeezing at the tip lightly before pumping his hand along it. I was rapidly hardening at this soft touch. It was ridiculous really how easily I was giving myself to him. He’d never been like this before and it was making my head swim. Why was he so difficult to understand? I was soon drawn back to thinking about his current actions when I felt the wet heat surround my tip, his warm tongue flicking across my sensitive head. I bit my lip to suppress a groan and my hips bucked up, desperate for more friction. Harry’s palm pressed against my skin and held me against the sheets, his tongue running along the underside of my dick. My eyes fluttered when he finally stopped his teasing and pressed his mouth on me. I slipped into the warmth and his free hand wrapped around my base, working what his mouth couldn’t reach. He bobbed up and down, slowly gathering speed and working more inside. I gripped the sheet tightly and tangled a hand in his soft curls. God they felt amazing against my skin, even when they just tickled against my thighs as his head moved. I hit the back of his throat and my body struggled not to jerk again, a moan escaping my lips this time. Harry squeezed my thigh as a signal to be more quiet but didn’t stop. His mouth was relentless and his tongue swirling was only sending me to the edge faster. I felt my toes start to curl and tugged on his hair, the only warning I could manage. I was beyond words now. Harry slipped up to my tip and sucked hard, causing me to spiral. I bit my lip so hard I drew blood as I spilled into his mouth, his tongue flicking out as he swallowed all I gave him and his hand working me through my messy end. His lips were shiny with my come when he pulled back and gave me a wide smile.

“Shit. Thanks.” I mumbled. Harry laughed again, leaning forward and giving me a rougher kiss than before. His need was clearly coming through and I could feel him hard against my thigh.

“I’m going to go.” He whispered when he pulled back, breathless. “That was just a little present Louis. Remember who you belong to. Don’t let Zayn have what’s mine.” He growled, his eyes darkening. I nodded sharply and he grinned, slipping off the bed to get his shoes.

“See you tomorrow Louis.” He walked out my bedroom door and I collapsed on the bed. What the fuck just happened? Had I made a promise I couldn’t keep? 


	6. Chapter 6

I went to school the next day pretty nervous. I hadn’t even done anything with Zayn yesterday and that had provoked that reaction in Harry. Zayn grinned at me in the corridor and I just gave him a small smile in return. I spotted the frown that flitted across his face but forced myself to turn away. Was I really doing this? Harry controls me so much. Fuck him. I could be friends with whoever I wanted to. I needed one friend at least.

I walked into English and slipped into the seat next to Zayn. He gave me a crinkly-eyed smile and I mouthed ‘sorry’. He just shrugged. He was too nice to me. Too nice to someone as messed up as me. Harry was turned round in his desk just staring at me, his anger burning in his eyes. I hadn’t obeyed him. I was sitting with Zayn instead of doing what he clearly wanted me to do, avoid the new kid. I could feel my pulse speeding up the longer Harry just watched me. Angry Harry was definitely unpredictable and I was suddenly nervous. Maybe I should move? I hesitated but stayed where I was. I couldn’t let Harry win this. I frowned back at him and he just smirked, his eyes flicking to Zayn instead.

“Zayn.” Harry shouted. His voice was loud enough that everyone in the room turned to look, only a couple of mumbled conversations still occuring. Everyone wanted to see what Harry was going to do. Normally it was entertaining to sick individuals who had clearly never been bullied themselves.

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, his eyebrow raised slightly. He didn’t know how bad Harry was but he must have caught on to the gist already. He didn’t look nervous though. I always felt so weak around Harry but clearly that effect wasn’t the same for everyone.

“You must know you’ve been hanging around with the school faggot. Not one too are you?” Harry hissed. Everyone was listening now, no pretence of other conversation carrying on.

“I’m bi.” Zayn shrugged and watched Harry lazily. He didn’t seem phased at all. I, however, felt like I was going to faint any second.

“You are a poof then?” He snarled.

“You know the people who bully those who are gay, are often just hiding their own homosexuality.” Zayn smirked and Harry jumped up from his seat, anger pouring from him. The teacher chose to stumble in at the moment, halting Harry from exacting his revenge. Zayn had just called him gay. He’d said the unthinkable, and what I’d been thinking exactly. He turned to flash me a grin and I returned it. This new guy had balls that was for sure. Who was going to pay the price for that though?

…

Zayn and I were sitting on the field eating lunch. Our sleeves were rolled up and we were soaking up the sun that had suddenly appeared. Half the school was on the field too. These sunny days were rare so we had to make the most of them.

“Louis?” A voice asked and I opened my eyes, wincing at first as the bright light near blinded me.

“Do I know you?” I asked. He looked a couple of years younger than me so why on earth was he coming over here.

“I’m having a party later. Loads of people in your year are coming. You two are invited as well.” The kid mumbled.

“Thanks man. Where do you live?” Zayn asked.

“Wait. We’re invited. Why?” I frowned. This never happened. I looked beyond the boy and spotted the mess of curls leaning on a wall just watching us. Of course he was behind it.

“Harry told you to didn’t he?” I asked, a sigh escaping my lips.

“Yeah.” The kid whispered.

“We’ll go. Address?” Zayn repeated. I was not going to this party. It would only end badly but when Zayn turned to me, his brown eyes wide I knew where I’d be tonight. This was going to be awful.

…

“It’ll be fun.” Zayn repeated, for probably the hundreth time. He was sprawled across my bed while I did up my shirt. The last stage before I was ready.

“It won’t be. Harry always ruins things.” I told him.

“You can’t keep using Harry as an excuse to not live your life!” He whined.

“I do not. I just prefer to avoid him.” I mumbled.

“Yeah. Avoiding him means not going out, not having a life.” He laughed.

“This isn’t funny. Harry just scares me.” I admitted.

“Don’t let him. I’ll protect you boobear.” He cooed.

“Fucks sake.” I rolled my eyes and he smirked.

“It was nice of your mum to shout that when we walked in the door wasn’t?” He laughed and I showed him my middle finger.

“Ready to go?” I asked.

“I was ready ages ago Tomlinson.” He stood up from my bed and laughed. We’d been drinking a bit already and we were both feeling a little buzzed. I’d definitely needed the alcohol to boost me. Liquid courage indeed.

…

We slipped into the crowded house relatively unnoticed and late. It was already 10pm as Zayn and I had gotten distracted at my house by my sisters and food. Arriving now meant less time for Harry to find me though. I weaved through the crowd to the kitchen, Zayn fingers dancing on my arm, squeezing occasionally so I knew I hadn’t lost him in the masses. I grabbed us both a beer, popping the cap off them and passing one over. It was cold against my hand and the coolness was giving me something to focus on, other than just look out for that mess of curls that meant trouble.

Luckily I didn’t spot Harry for the first hour while Zayn and I slowly became more drunk. We were standing to the side, me now having to lean against the wall for support. He mumbled something and we both laughed. Everything seemed funny when I was drunk.

“You have really pretty eyes Zayn.” I felt the words escape me before I could stop them. I bit my lip as I waited for his response. Zayn seemed stunned. Neither of us were laughing like we should have been, we weren’t meant to take these comments seriously. Especially when Harry was in my head so much right now. I couldn’t seem to escape his green eyes. Why was I even thinking about him? I could feel Zayn’s breath warm on my face and focused on him. His lips brushed mine carefully and I stilled. The last person there had been violent but this felt different. His hand raised up and cupped my face, tilting my head so he had better access. His warm lips were against me again, softly working my mouth open so his tongue could slip inside. This felt comfortable. Zayn felt safe. I wrapped an arm around his neck and steadied myself as I stepped closer, our mouths still moving together. I could kiss Zayn all the time. This felt nicer, more comforting.

I stumbled when his warmth was ripped away from me. Zayn went sprawling across the floor and a strong arm caught me, holding me close to them. I recognised the smell instantly. I tipped my head up and met those green eyes. He looked hurt almost, but why would he care?

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Zayn hissed from the floor. Harry let me go then, pressing me back against the wall to make sure I didn’t fall. He stayed silent as he walked away. I let myself slide down the floor and rested my head in my hands. Zayn shuffled over so he was sitting next to me, our knees knocking together.

“You okay?” I asked, my head turning to meet his gaze.

“Yeah. That fuckers mental.” He shook his head. “I need a cigarrette. Wanna come?” Zayn offered.

“No thanks. You won’t get your tongue in my mouth after you have either.” I teased. He smirked as he leant forward kissing me firmly again but more quickly than the last. He stood up and strolled through the crowd. His damn smoking habit meant that I was now left alone. I stood up carefully and walked towards the kitchen. I needed a glass of water. I ran the tap for a second before filling my glass. I gulped the cool liquid down quickly, spluttering when I felt a hand run down my back.

“Za-” My words died in my throat as I turned around. “Harry.” I whispered.

His arms moved to rest on the counter either side of me, trapping me in his grip.

“I thought we had our chat last night?” He asked, he definitely looked hurt.

“Why do you want me?” I blurted. I needed to sort some facts out in my head before this could feel right. If it could ever feel right.

“I don’t want you Louis.” He whispered.

“Then why do you keep coming back?” I pressed.

“I don’t know. Why do keep letting me?” He countered. His lips pressed against my cheek softly, lingering against my skin. I felt like he was burning a hole through me. He electrified me. I tangled my hand in his hair and pressed our lips together. I forced my tongue inside his mouth and Harry groaned in response. He was letting me dominate for once within a kiss and it felt amazing. His thigh pressed between my legs as he rubbed against me slowly. I pulled back breathless and Harry’s eyes were warm.

“Louis, I -” He whispered.

“Get the fuck off him.” Zayn snarled, appearing from nowhere seemingly and ripping Harry off me.

“Zayn.” I begged and tried to stop him as he stalked towards Harry. He just shrugged me off.

“Leave Louis alone you dick. Stop bullying him. He doesn’t need you making him feel like shit you homophobic fucker.” Zayn growled. Harry was slowly stumbling up but was quickly stopped. Zayn’s fist surged out, hitting Harry firmly in the face. Shit.


	7. Chapter 7

I rolled over mashed my face against the pillow, groaning as my hangover hit and the memories of last night came flooding back. I kissed them both and shit, Zayn punched Harry. No doubt I would suffer for that move.

“Louis.” My mum called as she knocked softly at my door. I don’t even remember getting home last night, I was so drunk. She’s probably come to moan about the noise I made when I got home.

“Come in.” I mumbled, my mouth still pressed into the fabric.

“You okay sweetie?” She asked. I felt the dip in the bed as she sat down near my feet.

“Yeah. Bit of a headache.” I replied, turning slightly so I could see her. She tutted as my no doubt bloodshot eyes came into view.

“Well we’re about to go out. Are you okay to look after yourself? We’re going shopping.” She told me.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. Probably be better now it’s quiet.” I released a sigh. Four sisters running around would not have helped my headache, this was the best solution really.

“Okay. You come down and get some painkillers before we go.” My mum ordered and smiled before leaving the room. I shifted into a sitting position carefully, I wasn’t taking risks on me being sick just yet. Surprisingly apart from my head I didn’t feel too bad. I grabbed a t-shirt and shuffled downstairs, avoiding my sister’s scattered toys as I went. The cold tile under my feet in the kitchen shook me completely awake, the temperature sending shocks through me. I fumbled with the packet of paracetemol, breaking the foil was managing to be difficult. I swallowed two tablets dry and flicked the kettle on. Tea fixed everything.

Ten minutes later I was curled up on the sofa, mug in hand and sipping the warm liquid slowly. I was gradually feeling more human however the stampede of feet down the stairs as my sisters finally finished getting ready did nothing to help.

“Bye Louis.” My mum called as she shuffled the girl’s out the front door. “We’ll be back later okay?”

“Bye mum. Bye girls.” I called back and the heard their muffled goodbyes before the door clicked shut. Peace and quiet. I frowned when I heard it open again, my mum’s voice falling through the door before it re-shut. She probably just left her umbrella in the porch. Apparently an umbrella was something you couldn’t leave the house without, because what if it rained!? I tried to snuggle further back into the couch and shut my eyes, the warmth from the tea soaking into my hands and seemingly my whole body.

“Feeling rough?” A husky voice asked and I jolted forwards in shock, tea splashing over the edges of the cup and scalding my skin. I swore and stood up, colliding with the taller boy’s warm body, his hands gripping my hips as he caught me.

“Be careful there Louis.” He whispered and a shiver went through me. My eyes spotted the purpling bruise on his cheekbone. I had a million questions swirling around my head and no sense of organisation.

“How did you get in?” I let the most pressing one burst from lips, after all the idea that he could break inside my house easily was unsettling.

“Your mum just let me in.” He told me, his hands squeezing my hips slightly reminding me how close we were.

“Your eye. Does it hurt?” I asked, lifting my hand to hover over the bruise, eventually gaining the courage to brush my fingers lightly across his skin. Harry stiffened at my touch but didn’t move away. He released a breath when I stepped back finally, distancing us slightly and giving my pulse a chance to calm.

“What do you want Harry?” I whispered.

“Is Zayn your boyfriend?” He asked, ignoring and answering my question at the same time.

“Not right now no. But what’s stopping him being it?” I snapped. Harry’s eyes burned at that, his body lurching towards mine and forcing us both to tumble towards the sofa.

“What about us?” Harry growled, his weight pressing me further into the cushions. I could feel him against every part of my body.

“I wasn’t aware there was an us. Just you randomly taking advantage.” I hissed. Harry tipped his head slightly, nibbling on his bottom lip as he studied me.

“You don’t want me then Louis?” He whispered, his gaze suddenly burning through me. I wriggled trying to escape but it was fruitless. Harry leant closer, his lips so close to mine now I could feel his warm breath washing over me.

“No.” I mumbled. It wasn’t an outright lie. I just wasn’t sure. He didn’t hesitate to press his lips softly against mine, testing first of all whether I really didn’t want it. I let my tongue brush across his bottom lip and Harry’s mouth opened, allowing me entry. I wasn’t allowed control for long though. I moaned as Harry forced his way to dominance, his tongue swirling around mine. His thigh slipped inbetween my legs and pressed down against me. I couldn’t help my hips rutting up against him, desperate for more friction. I slipped my fingers under his woollen jumper, brushing them against his skin. Harry let out a delicious moan as I touched him, pulling back slightly so he could pull his jumper over his head and reveal his toned stomach. He was gorgeous that much was certain. He tugged on the bottom of my plain red shirt, ripping it away from my body. We fumbled to get our lips back together, the removal of any more clothing seeming like too much effort. Our bodies pressed together tightly, the soft skin of his stomach rubbing against me as his tongue flicked inside my mouth. He swallowed my groan as he rutted against me, sending tingles of pleasure through my skin. The pressure and friction from our trousers meant everything was increased. I knew I wouldn’t last long, but being this close to him, feeling him was all I cared about right now.

Harry tangled a hand in my hair and tipped my head back, exposing my neck to him. His teeth nipped at the skin slowly before he bit more firmly on my collarbone, a gasp fell from my lips at the sudden pain. His tongue soothed the wound and made heat explode through my veins.

“Faster.” I groaned, hooking my fingers in his belt loops and focusing on gaining release.

“You come when I say.” Harry growled. When I looked into his eyes, the dominate side was back in full force. I whined in response and tried to slow down, get control because angry Harry wasn’t necessarily that much fun.

“Please.” I begged as I felt myself getting close. He was panting in my ear as he breathed out a ‘yes’. I nearly missed it but it was enough. I squeezed my eyes shut as I spilled in my joggers, wetness filling them from the inside and leaking through from outside as Harry came undone above me too. We both rocked against each other, gradually slowing down until we came to a stop. Harry buried his face in my neck, his curls slightly damp from the exertion. This was probably as close to snuggling that we would get after sex. He pushed off me eventually though, the coldness spreading through my body. I missed the feel of him against me. I shifted into a better seating position and grimaced at how sticky I felt.

“Thanks for that.” Harry mumbled and I frowned.

“Thanks. That’s all you have to say.” I snapped and he shot me a warning glance.

“I came round here to remind you who you belong to.” Harry hissed.

“Why me?” I shrieked. “I can’t take your mindfucks anymore Harry. I mean what was that?”

“That was what we are. You’re mine. That’s all the label we need.” He growled.

“No that’s all the label you need. I can’t do this anymore.” My voice got quieter as I spoke. I just couldn’t cope. This was too confusing, too toxic for me.

“Louis.” Harry mumbled, stepping closer and reaching out for my arm.

“No.” I snapped, sliding away from his touch. “Please just leave.” I whimpered. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I felt ridiculous. I would not cry over him. Definitely not in front of him. I licked my lips and felt the salty traitor. Harry stood in front of me looking lost, worried. He didn’t care though really did he? I was just someone to control.

“Bye Louis.” He whispered eventually and walked away from me. This felt permanent and I released a shaky breath, the tears falling more quickly now he was gone. I needed someone here and I knew exactly who I wanted with me. I grabbed for my phone on the coffee table and sent a quick text. He didn’t live that far away. He’d come for me wouldn’t he?

…

It felt like ages before the doorbell rang. I’d finally stopped crying and was curled up in a ball on the sofa. I shuffled towards the door and opened it. I dreaded to think what my face looked like right now.

“Louis? What happened?” His voice was so warm and full of concern. He stepped inside and wrapped his arms around me. I realised I hadn’t put my shirt back on when I felt the rough material of his jacket on my skin. I shivered at the feeling and Zayn only pulled me closer, clearly concerned I was cold. He slipped his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea, yeah?” He offered. I was quick to shake my head, reaching out to grab his hand and stop him from leaving me.

“Can you just like, hug me?” I asked. His eyes seemed to soften even more and he nodded, following me as I walked back to the sofa. He sat down next to me and pulled me into his side. I shimmied down so I could tuck my face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his musky scent. I liked the way Zayn smelt, I decided. It was the complete opposite to Har-him.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” He pressed, his finger tracing patterns on my bare arm.

“A guy treated me badly. I don’t want to talk about it that much.” I mumbled into his skin. I felt him nod and then we stayed silent for a while, both of us just enjoying the cuddle. I needed someone to just hold me. I had to let Harry go and perhaps Zayn was the best way to do that. He’d treat me right, he’d care.

“Thank you.” I whispered. He twisted his head slightly and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“Anytime Louis. I’m going to look after you, okay? It’s you and me now.” He whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

I rolled over and felt a warm body against mine. I snuggled in closer and a heavy arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me flush against them. I groaned when their morning erection rubbed against my bum, my hips rolled back to increase the pressure on them. The green eyes flashed through my head and I nearly smiled. I jolted away the body in shock, tumbling out of my bed and hitting the floor with a thump. I winced in pain as I twisted my wrist, my head turning ready to see those curls but instead I met a pair of concerned brown eyes.

“Zayn.” I mumbled. Yesterday came flooding back to me and I struggled not to let the pain show on my face. Harry was gone. Gone.

“Are you okay Louis? Shit. Sorry for making you jump. I just. Shit.” Zayn stammered, slipping out of the warm sheets to kneel on the floor next to me, his fingers reaching for my hand and circling my painful wrist slowly.

“Thanks for last night.” I whispered, turning to face him.

“I mean it Louis though. I’m here for you.” He told me, smiling softly as I continued to study him.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, leaning forward. All I could think about was being close to someone, wanting someone other than Harry. Zayn was worthy, Zayn was kind and Zayn was hot. Zayn. He stayed still as I moved closer, my lips ghosting across his our breath mingling together.

“Louis.” He whispered before I took the plunge. I pressed my lips against his soft ones, my hand moving to tangle in his hair. He moaned as I tugged gently forcing his lips open, my tongue exploring his mouth. He pulled me on top of his lap as we continued kissing, his thigh slipping between my legs and putting pressure on my crotch. I rocked against him and swallowed his moan. I kissed down his neck, desperate to get my breath back as Zayn panted beneath me.

“Shit. Louis.” Zayn groaned, his hands pressing on my shoulders and pushing me away.

“Zayn. I need you.” I moaned, reaching down and squeezing his dick through his boxers. I pulled the elastic down slowly and freed his hard length, his tip already glistening with pre-cum. “I want to make you feel good, say thank you.” I whispered. I shuffled back and tipped my head, licking a stripe from base to tip on his dick. I took the head into my mouth and sucked hard, swirling my tongue around the slit and causing Zayn to buck his hips upwards. I placed my hands on his hips, holding him down and stopping myself from being choked. I took as much of his length into my mouth as I could, bobbing my head up and down while Zayn made encouraging noises. His hand tangled in my hair but it felt more reassuring than pressuring. I worked my hand on what I couldn’t reach with my mouth and swirled my tongue to make sure he wouldn’t be able to last long. He mumbled a warning before he spilled in my mouth, my name escaping his lips as he worked through his orgasm. I pulled back and smiled. Zayn dove forward, kissing me firmly and swiping any leftover taste of him from my mouth. I moaned as his hand cupped me through my jogging bottoms. I shut my eyes and he rubbed me slowly while nibbling on my collarbone. I groaned in pleasure until those dimples flashed through my brain. I knew he’d smirk at my groan, knew he’d tease me until I was begging, knew I wanted him. I jolted back away from Zayn’s touch and frowned at the look of confusion blurred with hurt on his face.

“I just, I wanted to do that for you. I don’t need. I can’t.” I mumbled and felt the tears well up again. I was pulled into his warm embrace quickly and his lips found mine, kissing them softly.

“There’s no rush Louis. We’ll do what you’re ready to do, whenever you are ready.” He whispered, rocking me slowly.

“Thank you Zayn. Fuck. I don’t deserve you.” I whispered.

“You do deserve me Louis. I’ll try my best to never hurt you.” He promised. I felt safe there in his arms. All I had to do now was avoid Harry and focus on this healthy relationship. Zayn could heal me.

…

I was sitting watching TV while attempting to do my maths homework. I was a terrible multi-tasker but maths couldn’t hold my attention for very long. This was the best way for me to actually get it done and since mum was round a friend with the girl’s I could get away with it. I groaned when I heard the doorbell ring. I didn’t want to move but if it was the parcel being delivered, I knew I’d be killed if I didn’t answer. I stood up and stumbled towards the door, my legs sleepy from sitting still for so long. I opened the door and heard the gasp escape me.

“Harry.” I squeaked and then coughed, trying to lower my voice. If I wanted to deal with him I needed to sound tough.

“Louis.” He whispered.

“It’s been a week, what do you want?” I asked, trying to act cold. He couldn’t know how he still made my pulse race and how hard I was finding it to not imagine his rough lips every time I kissed Zayn.

“You. I want you Louis.” He stated, stepping through the doorway. I moved back, trying to distance myself from him while he shut the front door. He walked towards me, matching each step back of mine with a step closer until my back hit the hallway wall. He smiled softy as he closed the final gap, his body heat radiating towards me.

“I realised how much I need you.” Harry whispered before tipping my head up and kissing my lips softly. His eyes met mine, caution pouring from them.

“I need you too.” I admitted. He smiled briefly before pressing himself against me, his actions full of urgency now he knew I wanted this too, wanted him. I groaned as he kissed me again, more roughly this time. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip before kissing along my jaw.

“Let’s go upstairs.” He whispered, his hand grasping mine as he pulled me towards my room. We tumbled onto the bed together and I reached for the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over his head and running my hand over the freshly exposed skin. I let my fingers linger over his abs. He’d gotten more muscle since last time I’d gotten to touch him, not that I’d ever been able to feel him this much anyway. He fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, pulling it from skin and kissing down my stomach. His lips burned into me wherever he pressed them. I loved feeling him against me but I felt like I was playing with fire. Harry was dangerous and I knew the risks, but I trusted him. I trusted him completely. He stood up, pushing his trousers and boxers down while I struggled with mine. He helped with the final stage, pulling them off my ankles and dropping them onto the pile of clothing on the floor.

“You’re amazing Louis.” He whispered as his lips brushed the shell of my ear. Our lengths rubbed together as he leant over my body again and sucked a bruise into my collarbone.

“I want you.” I groaned, my hands tangling in his hair. It was so soft. I can’t believe I’d never felt it before, never got to let it run through my fingers.

“Let’s prep you this time, yeah. Do it right.” Harry told me. I nodded quickly, feeling my pulse jump at his words. He was being careful, gentle even. I pulled open my bedside drawer and reached for the lube, passing it to him with an unsteady hand. He popped the cap and quickly coated three fingers, the cold touch of one against my puckered hole make me squirm at the feeling and the foreign feeling of this situation. His finger pressed in slowly, twisting round carefully to stretch me. My hips were soon bucking down, wanting the friction increased. Harry realised quickly and pushed another finger in, crooking them this time to find my bundle of nerves. I hissed loudly at the pleasure, my cock straining even more as everything built up.

“Fuck me. Please.” I begged. Harry’s eyes darkened but then his lips were on mine, kissing me softly in comparison to his fast, rough fingers.

“I want this to be gentle. I don’t want to call it fucking.” He whispered. Before I had time to think about what that meant, his tip was pressing against my hole. I felt the wetness of the lube and new he’d prepped himself while I’d been spaced out. I was a mess already and desperate now to find release. Harry pushed in slowly, stopping once he was fully sheathed and allowing me time to adjust.

“Move. I’ll be okay.” I groaned. Harry hesitated for a second, clearly concerned, but the look of bliss on my face must have been enough reassurance as he slowly pulled out. His hips pressed back in carefully and he set up a slow rhythm. My moans became more frequent as the need increased.

“Harry. Fuck. Faster. Please.” I begged. My eyes met his and I sucked my lip into my mouth, biting down as I restrained the urge to come just from the look in his eyes. The darkness was there but it wasn’t menancing, it was full of want. He wanted me. Harry listened to my begging and began to thrust harder, his hips snapping towards mine. The bed rocked more violently as we both chased our release. His fingers gripped my hips firmly as he tipped over the edge, his warm come filling me as kept the pace up for me. His face contorting in pleasure was enough to make me reach my orgasm. I released between both our chests, covering us in my come. I groaned his name softly as he helped me ride out the high with a gentle hand on my length. When we’d both recovered slightly he pulled out, the empty feeling spreading through me as he collapsed next to me. Laying down wasn’t as close as what we had been and I already missed the feel of being that close.

“Harry.” I whispered. He didn’t respond and continued to stare up at the ceiling. “What was that?” I asked.

“Fuck.” He mumbled, suddenly shooting off the bed and grabbing for his clothes.

“Harry.” I whimpered. He couldn’t leave me now. Not after that, not after we made love. That wasn’t fucking. He had feelings for me too. I had feelings for Harry? Shit. I did.

“I can’t do this Louis.” He hissed. He shot me a painful glance before he stumbled out of the room.

I’d just made love with Harry Styles and there was no going back.


	9. Chapter 9

“Lou.” I felt the warm breath brush across my neck as I rifled through my locker. I knew it wasn’t who I wanted it to be, needed it to be.

“Zayn.” I turned around and plastered a smile on my face. I saw the taken aback look he gave me straight away. He could read me like a book. He knew the time and place though and just raised an eyebrow, turning to walk to our next lesson knowing I’d follow. We were going the same way after all.

We slipped into our seats and I could feel his gaze burning into mine as I struggled not to turn into it. I didn’t want him to work it out before I told him. I’d cheated on him. I’d become one of those people. Were we even exclusive though? Did it count? Of course it did. I was going to hurt him and I wasn’t going to lie. I just needed to find a way to make it sting the least possible amount. I let my eyes keep flicking to the door. I couldn’t get him out of my head even when worrying about Zayn. Would he really skip school just to avoid me?

“Who are you looking for?” Zayn asked. He suddenly felt a lot closer to me than I’d thought.

“No-one.” I lied.

“You keep looking at the door. Just tell me Louis.” He hissed. I turned and his brown eyes were guarded. They were normally so soft, but I guess this was better. It was better if he was trying to protect himself already. Everything surrounded me seemed to be painful, especially with Harry and me. However now Zayn was involved. I just wanted those soft brown eyes back, not this pain. Pain already. Fuck.

“Lookin’ for Harry.” I mumbled and Zayn frowned. I could virtually feel the cogs whirring in his brain and I held my breath as I waited for it to settle.

“You hate Harry.” He said. It wasn’t a question nor a statement that required response. He was thinking aloud and going in the right direction probably, the one direction I didn’t want him to go in.

“Was he the guy?” Zayn asked suddenly, ideas finally slipping into place. I stayed silent letting him form everything. Maybe he wouldn’t be that upset? “Are you dating him?” He snapped, his voice rising so that a couple of people turned round. The anger burning in his eyes showed that he wasn’t going to calm down anytime soon.

“Zayn. Please.” I whispered.

“Please what Louis? Are you dating him?” He hissed, his voice lowering but the anger still vehemently clear.

“I don’t know what we are.” I admitted and Zayn tensed even further.

“What’s changed?” He asked, his shoulders sagging in defeat. He knew.

“We slept together last night.” I told him, my eyes avoiding his. I didn’t want to see the pain.

“You cheated on me?” He queried. Now wasn’t really the time to question the logistics of our relationship so I settled for a nod, wincing at the sigh that escaped his lips. I’d felt those lips.They were warm against me, but they weren’t Harry’s. They would never be Harry’s so I knew although this wasn’t the best way to deal with Zayn, the outcome would turn out right eventually. Hopefully.

“Fucking hell Louis.” He hissed. His eyes blazed then as he stood up. “Fuck you.” He snapped and stormed fromt he room, barging past the shocked teacher on his way out.

**Zayn’s POV:**

I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going but I knew I couldn’t sit in there. Louis and I weren’t official but that didn’t stop me feeling used. I’d hoped I’d make him feel better and that he might actually like me. Clearly I was just the distraction that walked in at the perfect timing for them, but not for me. Great if they got together but why the fuck did I have to be led on? I was fuming and I needed to calm down. I just got so angry sometimes. I tried to be so passive most of the time but it just built up occassionally, everything bursting through. I turned a corner and slammed into someone, both of us stumbling in response.

“Fuck.” The other body mumbled as they hit the wall, the irish accent unmistakeable even in his whisper.

“Mr Horan?” I queried and groaned internally. Now I was going to be in shit. Not only was I skipping class but I may have just broken our counsellor.

“Zayn.” Mr Horan frowned lightly as he stood up straight and fixed me with a pointed stare. I didn’t want him inside my head but I knew he was trying to get there. “Why aren’t you in class?” He asked eventually.

“I just - ” I started and then realised I didn’t even know where to start. I couldn’t even explain Harry and Louis to him because I didn’t know. I hadn’t waited to hear. I’d run away, basically. I was skipping class because I didn’t want to hear the ins and outs, to know how far Louis was tied up with the other boy and how hopeless anything between us really was.

“Fancy a chat in my office?” He asked, his expression had softened a lot. Everyone knew Mr Horan didn’t enjoy being a real teacher figure and prefered advising and listening to them. He tried to be their friend so a chat would be much better with him than any attempt at discipline.

“Please.” I mumbled and followed behind as he strolled towards his office. It didn’t take long luckily and we were soon in the warm room, the comfy armchair pulling me towards it. I collapsed into it and released a sigh. I didn’t feel like I had to hold my self together completely in here.

“Why weren’t you in class, Zayn?” Niall asked, he always asked to be called Niall in here. It was weird at first but it made more like a friend. No-one wants to talk to a teacher.

“Louis and I had an argument.” I told him. That was the basic story and probably the best place to start.

“About what?” He asked and I frowned. “Or should I say whom?”

“Why would you think it’s about another person?” I snapped and Niall smiled softly, knowingly. I guess he’d been here a little longer than I had so he might have noticed. Had everyone known about Harry and Louis but me? Had everyone been laughing?

“Are they dating secretly?” I asked, the question bursting from brain before I had a chance to think about what I was asking.

“Who?” He asked and I sighed. He was going to make me say it.

“Harry and Louis.” I mumbled and Niall titled his head, studying me.

“No. Not to my knowledge. I think they’re both confused but Harry’s been bullying Louis for years. It’s gotten worse since he’s come out. Of course this is just what other teachers have told me. Not what either of the boys have said.” He informed me.

“What have they said then?” I pressed.

“You know I can’t tell you that Zayn.” Niall sighed but he did look sympathetic.

“Louis slept with him last night, when I thought we were dating.” I blurted again and scolded myself. I wasn’t even going to tell him that because it was too embarrassing. I’d not been good enough clearly or at least second best in his eyes.

“That’s not right. That’s horrible. How are you feeling?” Niall asked.

“Confused. Hurt. I mean fuck. I liked Louis and I thought he liked me too. Turns out he was just using me to work out what he felt.” I snapped, my pulse speeding up again. I was angry at myself as well as him though. Why hadn’t I seen it? Or maybe I had, I realised, I just didn’t want to accept it.

“Maybe Louis was trying to hide from them rather than work them out? That doesn’t excuse what he did to you. You have a right to be angry Zayn but just don’t do anything rash. It might work out for the best in the end.” Niall advised and I rolled my eyes.

“You can’t understand how I feel.” I snapped.

“I’d disagree. Well not personally but someone close to me understands.” He countered. I stayed silent and he smirked eventually, realising I wanted to hear the story. “You know my boyfriend, Liam?” Niall asked, a smile forming as he thought of his lover.

“Yeah.” I mumbled, prompting him to continue.

“He was in a similar situation to you. He was seeing someone and found out afterwards they’d cheated on him. Granted his partner had just been vindictive rather than confused, but the pain you’re feeling is on parr with his no doubt. He felt completely betrayed and was hurt. He met me that night and we became friends. He’d been dating this guy for over a year so it took him a while but eventually we became something more. If he’d not found out that day then we may never had met or fallen in love. Liam hates his partner but in some sick way, it’s because of him we’re together. Fate is maybe the better idea. Everything happens for a reason. Blah blah blah. All I’d say Zayn, is that you’re lucky you found out now rather than later on when so many more feelings were involved. Be angry and upset, but don’t be closed off to forgiveness, because Louis was your friend first of all and that doesn’t have to be lost.” Niall smiled warmly when he finished and I nodded slightly, trying to take in everything he’d said. I didn’t love Louis, that much was true but I just felt betrayed. I’d tried to give myself to him and while I hadn’t given it all, he’d effectively rejected what I had.

“Thanks Niall.” I smiled and stood up carefully, my legs numb from sitting still so long. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

“No worries. Good. Take your time Zayn.” He grinned and waved as I stepped out of his office. I bumped into another body and cursed under my breath. How many times was I going to walk into people today? My eyes met a pair of stunning hazel ones.

“I’m so sorry.” The girl mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she bent forward to pick up her book.

“My fault. Are you okay?” I asked, gripping her elbow to steady her. Her laugh rang throughout the hallway as she nodded.

“Takes more than that to hurt me. Don’t worry.” She smiled and then looked around, her nose crinkling in confusion.

“You alright?” I asked, trying to keep the humour from my tone. This girl seemed crazy.

“Do you know where English Lit is? I’m new and hopelessly lost.” She asked.

“Yeah. I’m heading there now. I’ll walk you there. What’s your name?” I queried before we started walking.

“Kallie. Yours?” She smiled at me and I smirked.

“Zayn babe. Nice to meet you.” I winked and watched in amusement as a blush crept up her neck. Fate was a bitch but maybe it wasn’t complete crap after all. Louis was most definitely still a dickhead though, that much was true.


	10. Chapter 10

Zayn was still barely talking to me although at least he hadn’t punched me yet. Even if I did deserve it. He smiled at me once though so I’m taking that as a sign that he’ll forgive me eventually. I hope so anyway. Harry was still avoiding me too. Our relationship had taken a twist I didn’t quite understand and I wanted to work it out. My head was swimming in confusion, but part of me knew, one look into those green eyes and I’d be okay. Harry might scare me but I wanted him, needed him. He just had to open up first, then together we could work out whatever the hell we are. I knew I had to wait for Harry to choose the moment though. It would be whenever he was ready to pounce, rather than any other arrangement.

I was walking home from school on Friday afternoon when he finally chose his moment. I felt the hand grip my arm and spun round ready to face him. Anyone else would have called my name but he wanted to make me jump, scare me a little. My pulse sped up as his touch burned into my skin, everything about him drawing me closer.

“Harry.” I breathed and his lips quirked up slightly.

“Let me walk you home.” That should have been an offer however from him it sounded more like a command. I nodded and started walking again, keeping to his pace as we walked towards my house. We walked in silence, the blood pulsing in my ears being the only thing I could hear. I felt completely on edge, desperate to get inside and talk. I needed to talk to him before anything else. He got inside my head so fast, I had to be clear and focused. Even if those pools of emerald made it nearly impossible.

“Here we are.” I mumbled, trying to feel the gap and distract him from my shaking hand. “Mum?” I called out as I stepped inside the house. I got no response and laughed under my breath. Since when were my family out this much? Harry’s fingers curled around my shoulders, ripping me back and slamming me against the door. His body pressed against the length of mine and just as I opened my mouth to speak, his lips were on mine. They were soft but incessant. I let myself go pliant under his touch, my mouth opening further so he could invade. He was in complete control as I just gave myself to him. I missed this. I missed letting him have me, own me totally. I moaned into his mouth when his thigh pressed against me, all urges to talk fading away.

“Let’s go to your bedroom. Gonna tie you up.” Harry panted. We’d never talked about what we were going to do before and my cock throbbed in anticipation. Knowing made it less scary and so much hotter. Talking was definitely good. His hand gripped mine as he took the stairs two at a time, both of us eager to get to the safety of my room. Kissing in the hallway was thrilling but would have been so awkward if my mum had chosen that moment to get home. He yanked my shirt over my head as soon as we stepped inside, stumbling together towards my bed. My knees hit the edge and I collapsed, falling underneath him, completely at his whimsy. Harry undressed himself quickly and the look in his eyes made me keep utterly still. He didn’t need to voice the command, my body just knew to wait and it scared me that I would wait forever. His gaze shifted to me when he was undressed. I was pleased I wasn’t the only one turned on beyond belief already. He crawled over, his body heat enveloping me as his lips sponged down my neck. All I could focus on was the feeling of his body on me, the need to talk now gone completely. I just needed him. Harry could complete me.

He unzipped my trousers and pulled them down, teasing me. My breathing was getting harsher and Harry’s smirk did nothing to calm my growing erection. His teeth hooked in the waistband of my boxers, shimmying them away from skin, his nose grazing my aching length.

“Please.” I begged eventually as Harry seemed intent on touching me as little as possible now.

“Not until you’re tied up.” He snapped, his eyes were dark but I felt safe. I’d been sore after being with him but I’d never been hurt that much. I trusted him, even if it seemed fucked up.

“Ties in my wardrobe.” I waved my hand in the general direction but Harry just shook his head. He reached for his unbuttoned shirt discarded on the floor and ordered me to shuffle up. I moved quickly, my limbs not wanting to work together in my desperation. He leant forward then holding my wrists together as he moved them near to my headboard. The cloth was wrapped around them quickly and a tight knot made. I tugged gently to test it out and knew I wouldn’t be moving anytime soon. I could still wriggle the rest of my body but something told me Harry wouldn’t even want that.

“Now to get you ready.” Harry whispered and I felt my cock twitch. I wanted him so badly. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could last without feeling him completely. He pulled the lube out of my bedside drawer and poured the cool liquid over two fingers. He smiled at me as he ran them across my stomach, slowly making his way towards where I needed him most. One finger pressed into the tightness, crooking almost immediately and making my back arch. I couldn’t take this.

“More.” I mumbled and he just tutted.

“Don’t get demanding Tomlinson.” He snapped, the slight edge to his voice sending tingles through me. He pressed another finger in, not slowing down his rhythm as he fucked me with them. I could have waited for another finger, stretching me completely but I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was going to come undone soon and I wanted him inside me when that happened.

“Fuck me.” I whined and Harry’s eyes glazed over, his fingers slipping out of me quickly and working to lube himself up. His tip was at my entrance before I had time to blink and he pushed in carefully, pausing when he was fully sheathed. He never normally gave me time to adjust but I was glad of it, the burn ripping through me right now was more than enough to cope with. He swirled his hips slowly and we both moaned at the feeling.

“You can move.” I whispered and Harry didn’t hesitate, pulling out sharply only to slam back in. A gasp escaped my lips as he continued to pound into me, the stretch only adding to my pleasure. I liked him taking me. I wriggled my wrists slightly and moaned. He could tie me up again. I wanted him to have me, completely and utterly.

“Mine.” He hissed as he let his eyes close, focusing on the feeling with his blunt fingernails digging into my hips.

“Yours.” I moaned, saying the word over and over like a mantra. I didn’t want anyone else. In this moment, all I wanted and needed was to be surrounded by Harry.

He shouted my name when he came undone, spilling everything he had inside me. His face as he was overcome by pleasure was all I needed to come between us, untouched. I released against both of our stomachs and it felt so cool against our hot skin. Harry pulled out carefully, reaching for tissues to wipe us both down but not reaching to untie my hands.

“Harry.” I mumbled and he smirked cheekily, knowing exactly what I was going to say. His body hovered over mine as pulled the shirt away from my wrists. I rubbed them carefully, hoping the red marks would go down before my mum saw. That would be difficult to explain and I definitely couldn’t tell her the truth.

“That was fun.” Harry chuckled and flopped down next to me, his body shifting closer to mine almost like a reflex.

“Definitely.” I mumbled, the need to talk rushing back to me.

“Just say what you’re thinking Lou.” He whispered. Lou. Had he ever called me that? My heart lept into my throat and I couldn’t think. I couldn’t cope. I felt a tear fall down my cheek and then Harry was leaning over me.

“Lou. Are you okay?” He asked, his thumb brushing the stray tear away.

“No. I’m confused.” I whispered and Harry sighed, his minty breath washing across my face. I loved the way every part of him smelt. I’d miss that.

“I’ll miss you.” I admitted and he frowned.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He soothed, his eyes warm as he studied mine.

“I can’t keep doing this, can’t keep being unsure.” I mumbled.

“I’m not unsure anymore though Louis.” He paused and looked away for a second, sucking in a deep breath before he continued. “I’m gay and I want you. I’m not going to be ashamed of that anymore.” I smiled at his words, relief flooding through me.

“I want you too.” I whispered. Harry chuckled then, his lips capturing mine in a gentle kiss. I loved dominate Harry but this was nice too. I was finally going to get the best of both worlds.


	11. Epilogue

**Harry’s POV:**

There was something amazing about admitting something that you’d been trying to bury. A freeness that comes with being honest. When you try to hide a part of you, everything becomes so much harder. I became someone I never wanted to be and did so many things I regret. I suppose you could argue that fate has its way of working, that perhaps because he was the one who helped me finally come to terms with who I’m attracted to, our relationship will be stronger. Louis. That’s who helped me. With his loud laugh and crazy ways. There were so many things I never actually knew about him until that day of acceptance. I didn’t know, for example, that when he’s really happy and smiles his eyes crinkle in the corners. He has near permanent lines there because he’s happy now, even around me. I was the person who stopped those smile lines before as with me he was afraid. I instilled fear in the person who saved me. Without Louis who knows how many helpless victims I would have created while I tried to work out my mess of emotions.

Everything before our proper relationship was unacceptable, the epitome of disgusting. I think it shows Louis’ real strength of character that he got through it and that he’s forgiven me. He’s admitted that the dominance turned him on, that he wanted it almost but I think he’s just trying to smooth over my guilt. That’s something I have to carry though, to remind myself. I want to forget it completely, but it’s become part of us. My struggle, our struggle.

I had to give myself to him totally and utterly though. To show to both of us my commitment. I took when I first stated gravitating towards Louis. It was when he first came out and until that point I’d never known anyone who’d been so open about their sexuality. That made me think and my mind rejected it, so I just took from him. I took his happiness and his comfort, then recently I took more. I took his body and used it. I had to let him take from me then, because he had my emotion but he needed more.

He’d been so gentle that first time, my first time. He kissed away the tear that fell as he opened me up carefully, he knew I was thinking about his first time. The time I stole and was rough. The time he should have been so badly injured because I didn’t take a care. We were unbelievably lucky I didn’t do permanent damage, but Louis knew. He was soft, gentle. His lips were on my neck the whole time as I panted through it, writhing as his fingers brushed my prostate. That feeling though when he pushed in. I felt like I was being torn apart but in an amazing way. I was closer to him than ever before. He was inside me. He’d been extra careful then, sliding in slowly as he stretched me. I’d rocked my hips when I felt ready for him to move and that’s when Louis built up his speed, making love to me and angling it so that bundle of nerves was touched on every thrust. He lips were on mine when we came undone, me spilling on our chests and him inside me. His body collapsed against me as he tried to gain enough energy to pull out. We ended up wrapped around each other, falling asleep but I knew we’d share that from now on. Who got to take and give, but I didn’t mind him taking. It felt amazing. He was amazing.

I was worried about coming out at school though. It felt like I was letting people in on something so private, not just in my life but in my relationship with Louis. Our start was hardly normal and I didn’t want judgement. But then, as Louis pointed out people would judge no matter what. That’s why after a couple of weeks of just it being us, I held his hand. It was a simple gesture but it still turned heads. I felt sick as we walked down the corridor. I was letting everyone in, but I felt safe. I had been the only one after all who’d been inflicting Louis pain for his choice, not even that. It wasn’t a choice because that made it sound like something you could change. It was just who you were attracted to.

I think Louis’ main worry was about losing his friend. Zayn. That had been my fault too. Well I wanted to blame myself, even if Louis argues he was the one who chose to still be with me despite his closeness to the other boy. He’d hardly had a choice but the emotions between us were everywhere. Zayn seemed to have forgiven him too though. They hung out whenever Louis and I weren’t together, which wasn’t a lot but then he had his own girlfriend now too. Kallie I think her name was. She’d been new too and they’d just suddenly connected. They’d started dating pretty quickly and she seemed amazing. Her laugh was loud enough to rival Louis’ and she was stunning without even trying. I think she helped smooth over Zayn and Louis because it gave the Bradford boy something else to concentrate on. Those two were official as well which left out the ambiguity him and Louis had had. He didn’t seem to hate me entirely either but I think he was suspicious. Whenever we were all together Kallie and Louis made it all work. They were both so loud we focused on them and her accent left enough room for teasing her that we had an easy distraction. I’d never heard a real life southern American accent before her, but she was as warm as the stereotype. We were lucky she’d been here to be honest otherwise the transition of everything may have been harder, but as long as they were happy so could Louis and I be. I think Louis still felt guilty but then neither of us handled everything well.

This time has definitely given me a few life lessons, ones I thoroughly intend to pass onto everyone. Although people have to make their own mistakes to fully understand, hopefully they can take what I’ve gotten and use it. No-one needs to do what I’ve done, mess up how I have. Emotions are definitely the most complicated part of life. Other peoples but more so your own. If there is something you don’t want to admit your body definitely tries to protect itself, but it’s impossible. A feeling is a feeling and nothing to be ashamed of. Trying to ignore them is when bad things happen. Admitting them can be hard and even painful. I had to get to the bottom of mine and I knew that no matter how much I tried to ignore and pretend. Getting there was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do and I feel ridiculous for it now, but then fear can do that. I was afraid of being judged and hated but in reality that’s a mistake. People who do that are in the wrong and obviously so. I got to the bottom of everything and it hurt, but my happiness now is unparalleled. Through everything I got Louis. That’s worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! Hope you enjoyed my baby fic! :) x


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